Agraphobia

I am not sure if i am suffering from this or i just try and shut out the outside world as much as possible as so many bad things have happened to me.
I do manage to walk the dog as alone but as soon as i do anything with "people" or "friends" i get stressed and need to get home as soon as possible. I have this awful feeling people don't like me or they do not like my partner. Maybe his accent is too strong for them to understand so they try and avoid conversations or just stop visiting.
I have no friends here, nobody stops by to say hello. I am alone most of the time and it can get lonely but i do feel safe.
I should be so excited about my cruise in September but i ache at the thought of it. I worry that people will stare, i worry that we will have to share a table and noone will understand us, i worry people will point or snigger as they know we are gay.
I wish i could switch off but i am so aware of it going on i can see it before it happens, then it happens. Weird i know!!!!
Work is not a problem as working on an aircraft gives me control of situations and the feeling of safety as if anything happens it is not as if a criminal can run away at 35,000 feet, i suppose that cruise holidays appeal due to their safe and secure environment.
I am now watching the news about the poor 11 year old boy who was shot in Liverpool and his parents are wrecks. Is this the world we all have to get used to living in? Guns? Knives? Unsafe streets?
I must say the community police that walk the streets where i live add that bit of security to my area. It's a good neighbourhood but we are hemmed between two "not so good" areas so groups of youths use our road as a thoroughfare between the two so we do get loud voices but that's about it.
I suppose when my parents are no more and my dog has died i will have nothing to stay in the UK for except my job and even that is stale and stagnent right now. Flying used to be glamouros but now it is a McDonald's with wings!!!
Well its almost the end of august and i do hope people are reading my blogs, it's a sort of relief from things which bug me or stress me out.