Today is a bad day, i have just realised i have lived in a dressing gown for two days and never got dressed, i cried 4 times today, and have not spoken to a soul in two days.
I could hear a bank holiday party going on in my neighbours garden, i could see people filling cars with picnic hampers and folding chairs, i watched out of the window as i imprisoned myself indoors.
I will admit i am lonely, no one visits, no one calls, life is empty, life is awful.
Presently i cannot even escape to fantasy land as there are no flights as i am on strike.
I often reminise to myself, the 70's and 80's were ok years, i think of "Get Carter" the movie with Sir Michael Caine which was filmed in parts in Gateshead, the older cars and bright yellow double decker buses all bring back memories.
Family was always around me, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents,most of now are dead, i have no grandparents, one aunt, no uncles a few cousins but all lead their own lives and as i live so far from anyone the loneliness just seems to be worse.
I watched Billy Elliott the movie on Sky tonight, i cried and cried, this was just like my childhood, miners strikes, poverty although we were not quite as poor as others in fact we were pretty well off,but i hate money and always will, i only need enough to get by, flash cars, big houses are a sign of insecurity as people cannot attract attention with themselves so need materialistic things to attract people which is so sad.
The miners strike on Billy Elliott was bringing the 1970's to 2010 with the BA strike, emotions also running high at work, no trust with colleagues, there is bullying and intimidation and lots of people being suspended for harassing others.
I have to got to work ( non strike days only) do my job, say nothing, never get into strike conversations, ignore everything going on around me and them get home after the trip and slam the door!Phew!!! another one over!!!
I miss a lot of things in my life, i miss all the people who are not here anymore through bereavement and also those who choose to want nothing to do with me in a time in my life when i really need them.
My health is still not too good, diabetes is hard to control, sometimes i forget to take my pills and when i check my own blood glucose levels they are sky high.... i also have to go next week to see the dietician as need to control what i eat and also have an appointment to see the eye specialist to make sure i am not going blind or indeed could do in the future.
I deal with all this on a daily basis,alone..isolated.....depressed.....thanks people!
Sunday 30 May 2010
Saturday 29 May 2010
Strike Take 2
Day one two and three on the picket line had temperatures soring into the 80's and lots of burnt crew, some with sun stroke, which probably made day four when i arrived at 0930 a little quiet, it was drizzly, i attended the Hatton Cross Picket line with the group of 14 ( all that is allowed by law per picket line but they are rotated every 45 minutes to an hour. Horns were honked from cars in support of our Industrial action but also we will always get verbal abuse and he odd finger gesture.
The open topped double decker is a great 40 minute journey around Heathrow, it allows crew to scream SHAME ON YOU SCABIN CREW in various locations like the crew car park, back to back hotel and cranebank training centre. I am so amazed that scabs actually go into work, previous crew members from the 80's abd early 90's fought for the terms, conditions and pay that we have now, many crew left charter airlines for these reasons and now, some, are willing to return to charter terms and conditions and not put up a fight....i say....SHAME ON YOU!!
I am currently on strike, i will lose £80 per day for the 6 days i missed with my trip + days off totally £480.00 out of Junes Pay slip.
People think we are militants and we want all this, this could not be further from the truth, we want a fair deal, we are willing to help make savings, we want to get back to normality and do the job we all love but we have a massive Irish brick wall in our way. Gosh i wish this nightmare would all end, i am poor, upset, unhappy and completely miserable, i have also lost many many friends who have decided to not support the cause and i really have no time for them now, or indeed any time in the future, such a shame but scabs ( yes the word exists in the dictionary and is described as " someone who crosses an official picket line and goes to work" so i am not saying a bad word.
The open topped double decker is a great 40 minute journey around Heathrow, it allows crew to scream SHAME ON YOU SCABIN CREW in various locations like the crew car park, back to back hotel and cranebank training centre. I am so amazed that scabs actually go into work, previous crew members from the 80's abd early 90's fought for the terms, conditions and pay that we have now, many crew left charter airlines for these reasons and now, some, are willing to return to charter terms and conditions and not put up a fight....i say....SHAME ON YOU!!
I am currently on strike, i will lose £80 per day for the 6 days i missed with my trip + days off totally £480.00 out of Junes Pay slip.
People think we are militants and we want all this, this could not be further from the truth, we want a fair deal, we are willing to help make savings, we want to get back to normality and do the job we all love but we have a massive Irish brick wall in our way. Gosh i wish this nightmare would all end, i am poor, upset, unhappy and completely miserable, i have also lost many many friends who have decided to not support the cause and i really have no time for them now, or indeed any time in the future, such a shame but scabs ( yes the word exists in the dictionary and is described as " someone who crosses an official picket line and goes to work" so i am not saying a bad word.
Thursday 13 May 2010
What i have learnt
I haven’t really had time to keep my blog up to date and when I do have time I am just too tired. I have been working a lot and have had tons of crazy new experiences. People never cease to amaze me….
So my trips have been a blur so I can’t really go into details, but this is what I’ve learned in the past
When the airplane is going back to the gate due to a mechanical problem with the air conditioner there is no way to answer “Why can’t we just open a window?” with a strait face.
Your crew can really set the tone for what kind of mood you’ll be in for the next 2-5 days.
If you piss off crew scheduling you’ll find a 6 leg a day trip in the near future.
Never, ever, EVER call fatigue, even if you can’t walk…. It will come back to bite you in the ass.
In-Flight management must have already forgotten how challenging this job can be on the body, heart, and soul of us reserves.
That airsick bags are my new “duct tape”… 1,001 uses and counting!
That you can make grilled cheese sandwiches on a plane…
What crew juice is, the different names for it, as well as several recipes.
That our website gives carry on dimensions that are seriously too large for our overhead bins…
That gate checking bags can nearly cause a riot.
How to spot an over sized carry on across the room.
Truth or Dare is more fun at 31,000 feet
That oxygen bars are god’s solution to hangovers.
That it is always the little old women who know that they can’t lift their bags that pack the heaviest.
That there is no such thing as non-run hosiery.
Why some flight attendants wear thigh-highs
That UMs are worse than screaming babies.
That even UMs can find love on an airplane.
That business cards are a must because cocktail napkins are easy to loose.
That gate agents have feelings too.
That gate agents will put a non-ambulatory, blind, man who doesn’t speak a word of English on last and then try to close the door before we can even figure out how we are supposed to brief him.
That Seal-A-Meal I bought is the best $45 I’ll ever spend.
That you can heat Seal-A-Meal bags inside an airsick bag full of hot water and actually eat a hot meal on the plane.
That the ice packs that are used for injuries are better than the blue ice because you can refill them on the plane, the airport, and at the hotel… no freezing required!
That the view from the flight deck is breathtaking.
That even though the aft lav on a 717 says Push on the door people will still pull out the ashtray thinking it is a doorknob.
That the forward lav attracts everyone from row 1 -31
That the aft lavs are typically cleaner due to last lesson learned.
That it is possible for a crew to deplane a full flight only to find out as I preflight that they were missing a slide. (no joke)
That you should never tell a 5 month pregnant woman that her flight has been cancelled unless you plan on calling security.
That even though the wing flap is broken… we are good to go :-/
That layover hotels do not like skinny dippers!
So my trips have been a blur so I can’t really go into details, but this is what I’ve learned in the past
When the airplane is going back to the gate due to a mechanical problem with the air conditioner there is no way to answer “Why can’t we just open a window?” with a strait face.
Your crew can really set the tone for what kind of mood you’ll be in for the next 2-5 days.
If you piss off crew scheduling you’ll find a 6 leg a day trip in the near future.
Never, ever, EVER call fatigue, even if you can’t walk…. It will come back to bite you in the ass.
In-Flight management must have already forgotten how challenging this job can be on the body, heart, and soul of us reserves.
That airsick bags are my new “duct tape”… 1,001 uses and counting!
That you can make grilled cheese sandwiches on a plane…
What crew juice is, the different names for it, as well as several recipes.
That our website gives carry on dimensions that are seriously too large for our overhead bins…
That gate checking bags can nearly cause a riot.
How to spot an over sized carry on across the room.
Truth or Dare is more fun at 31,000 feet
That oxygen bars are god’s solution to hangovers.
That it is always the little old women who know that they can’t lift their bags that pack the heaviest.
That there is no such thing as non-run hosiery.
Why some flight attendants wear thigh-highs
That UMs are worse than screaming babies.
That even UMs can find love on an airplane.
That business cards are a must because cocktail napkins are easy to loose.
That gate agents have feelings too.
That gate agents will put a non-ambulatory, blind, man who doesn’t speak a word of English on last and then try to close the door before we can even figure out how we are supposed to brief him.
That Seal-A-Meal I bought is the best $45 I’ll ever spend.
That you can heat Seal-A-Meal bags inside an airsick bag full of hot water and actually eat a hot meal on the plane.
That the ice packs that are used for injuries are better than the blue ice because you can refill them on the plane, the airport, and at the hotel… no freezing required!
That the view from the flight deck is breathtaking.
That even though the aft lav on a 717 says Push on the door people will still pull out the ashtray thinking it is a doorknob.
That the forward lav attracts everyone from row 1 -31
That the aft lavs are typically cleaner due to last lesson learned.
That it is possible for a crew to deplane a full flight only to find out as I preflight that they were missing a slide. (no joke)
That you should never tell a 5 month pregnant woman that her flight has been cancelled unless you plan on calling security.
That even though the wing flap is broken… we are good to go :-/
That layover hotels do not like skinny dippers!
Thursday 6 May 2010
Huge fears
It seems that since i have been diagnosed with Diabetes things have gone downhill, i have had this nagging ache in my left chest, radiating down my arm, have little feeling, numbness in my left hand.
I have a huge fear of dying young, not getting to say goodbye to people i love, not getting to enjoy life.
My diet has changed and i am learning to adapt to what i eat and when i eat it, i will now take medication for the rest of my life, only found out today it is free for Diabetics!
SO much i really want to do with my life, so many things left to see, i just hope i am overacting to all this but as i type this even my left side of my neck is hurting, always down the left,really must try and see a doctor soon!
The picture at the top of this entry was taken on a crew bus on way to the Hotel in Newark New Jersey USA, been off for two months so this was my first trip back, difficult to get into the swing of things. Don't enjoy my job anymore, things are not like they used to be and are only scheduled to get worse.
Still loathe living in the south and want to go home.
It seems i suffer with my illness in silence, no one calls to see if i am ok, no one asks, no one is bothered, well except mam and dad who check on me daily!
I wonder if any of my family really care anymore, i think of them daily and it brings a tear to my eye but best forgotten, the pain they have inflicted on others is beyond repair and forgiveness.
I have an extended family now who care more about me than others ever did, i am pleased i do not live in a world of selfishness and bitterness like some!
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