Huge fears

It seems that since i have been diagnosed with Diabetes things have gone downhill, i have had this nagging ache in my left chest, radiating down my arm, have little feeling, numbness in my left hand.
I have a huge fear of dying young, not getting to say goodbye to people i love, not getting to enjoy life.
My diet has changed and i am learning to adapt to what i eat and when i eat it, i will now take medication for the rest of my life, only found out today it is free for Diabetics!
SO much i really want to do with my life, so many things left to see, i just hope i am overacting to all this but as i type this even my left side of my neck is hurting, always down the left,really must try and see a doctor soon!
The picture at the top of this entry was taken on a crew bus on way to the Hotel in Newark New Jersey USA, been off for two months so this was my first trip back, difficult to get into the swing of things. Don't enjoy my job anymore, things are not like they used to be and are only scheduled to get worse.
Still loathe living in the south and want to go home.
It seems i suffer with my illness in silence, no one calls to see if i am ok, no one asks, no one is bothered, well except mam and dad who check on me daily!
I wonder if any of my family really care anymore, i think of them daily and it brings a tear to my eye but best forgotten, the pain they have inflicted on others is beyond repair and forgiveness.
I have an extended family now who care more about me than others ever did, i am pleased i do not live in a world of selfishness and bitterness like some!