Depressing Day

Today is a bad day, i have just realised i have lived in a dressing gown for two days and never got dressed, i cried 4 times today, and have not spoken to a soul in two days.
I could hear a bank holiday party going on in my neighbours garden, i could see people filling cars with picnic hampers and folding chairs, i watched out of the window as i imprisoned myself indoors.
I will admit i am lonely, no one visits, no one calls, life is empty, life is awful.
Presently i cannot even escape to fantasy land as there are no flights as i am on strike.
I often reminise to myself, the 70's and 80's were ok years, i think of "Get Carter" the movie with Sir Michael Caine which was filmed in parts in Gateshead, the older cars and bright yellow double decker buses all bring back memories.
Family was always around me, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents,most of now are dead, i have no grandparents, one aunt, no uncles a few cousins but all lead their own lives and as i live so far from anyone the loneliness just seems to be worse.
I watched Billy Elliott the movie on Sky tonight, i cried and cried, this was just like my childhood, miners strikes, poverty although we were not quite as poor as others in fact we were pretty well off,but i hate money and always will, i only need enough to get by, flash cars, big houses are a sign of insecurity as people cannot attract attention with themselves so need materialistic things to attract people which is so sad.
The miners strike on Billy Elliott was bringing the 1970's to 2010 with the BA strike, emotions also running high at work, no trust with colleagues, there is bullying and intimidation and lots of people being suspended for harassing others.
I have to got to work ( non strike days only) do my job, say nothing, never get into strike conversations, ignore everything going on around me and them get home after the trip and slam the door!Phew!!! another one over!!!
I miss a lot of things in my life, i miss all the people who are not here anymore through bereavement and also those who choose to want nothing to do with me in a time in my life when i really need them.
My health is still not too good, diabetes is hard to control, sometimes i forget to take my pills and when i check my own blood glucose levels they are sky high.... i also have to go next week to see the dietician as need to control what i eat and also have an appointment to see the eye specialist to make sure i am not going blind or indeed could do in the future.
I deal with all this on a daily basis,alone..isolated.....depressed.....thanks people!