Friendless

I really do not know how to explain this, some of us grow up surrounded by friends, they go through life together, becoming so close that they are like family.

What is that like?

I have work colleagues that turn into friends for 3-9 days then disappear, i have friends who i thought were friends but never really were, and school friends who i say hello too once in a decade and then lose contact.

SO basically i have non, and have never had any real best friends, this is why today, as England play Germany and friends get together for BBQ's and parties to watch the football that i find myself alone at home, sitting here all by myself, no one calls, no one texts me, no one invites me anywhere.

I realise now what loneliness really is, i have managed it for years now but sometimes we all need a friend, sometimes we do not want to share everything with our parents as they want a peaceful life in older age so when lonely we bottle things up,this adds to health issues and depression.

It is hot today, 88 degrees the neighbours either side of me are all gathered to watch the football, i am wedged between the houses alone, maybe i am not nice to be with, maybe people do not want me around at their functions and parties.

I wish i was on a cruise now, on my own, sitting on my balcony with a book, i would take room service for all meals, i am paranoid that if people do not want to be around me in real life why would they want too on a cruise so i would isolate myself as i would not want to ruin anyones holiday, call me paranoid but this is how i think it is!

I still get those pains in my chest, usually left hand side, still have no feeling in half of my left hand so it is easy to test my blood sugar in my finger as i can usually not feel the needle going in.

Well....good look England, we need it playing the Germans but i am sure we can win and get through to the final 8 teams!

I should have bought a Vuvuzella in South Africa last week!