Here i am in Johannesburg, the hotel overlooks the runway as the worldcup football has filled all the other hotels, it is nice but basic, noisy in many ways, hotel staff hoovering outside, housemaids slamming doors and having conversations in the corridors, planes taking off and people blowing those annoying horns associated with the football, not the best environment for a resting jetlagged crew member already on the edge.
My life is revolves around myself, not in a selfish way, just my own company, i have to sort out my own problems, deal with things and then get on with life, i have no one to share problems with and this is the main cause of the illnesses i am suffering.
I still have moments of bursting into tears, thinking of losing loved family and pets, i get angry that i have waited until so late to become close to my cousins etc as one is 70 and wish i had not let so many years slip by.
My job is difficult, strike atmospheres are still around, i am even working in the same cabin as a colleague, he has yet to say hello to me yet never mind have a conversation with me, now in Johannesburg so you can imagine how uncomfortable that was, he is straight and there are 11 guys on the crew so maybe he is pissed off he will not have his pick of the ladies to keep him company, he is black also so no one wants to address it as he will probably turn it into a "race" issue.
I will add pictures of the odd lay out of a hotel room when i get back as cannot download onto this small netbook, no hard drive and no bluetooth, but the bath and shower are in the bedroom, only the toilet is seperate, it will be come self explanatory in the photographs once you see them.
Well i feel a little better now just typing this, i have no idea where my future lies, where i will live, what job will i do, i have always dreamed of living on an uninhabited island but then i suppose i would have to be self sufficient and that sounds like bloody hard work unless Tesco drop in shopping via parachute and airplane.
I am drawn to Canada, Switzerland, South of france, also love Boston and the New England coastline but i suppose not being an American i would be unable to be a resident.
Maybe it will be a good move, could be sooner could be later only time will tell, what i do know is that there is nothing worth staying in the UK for, i will give the newly elected conservative government and chance first and see what happens but the cut backs to cover the trillions of pounds of debt the UK is in can only come from the people so this will affect us all!!
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