Bored

Hate not working, get so bored, miss the camaraderie, miss the gossip and funny enough miss the customers. Been juggling rosters around dog walker/ sitter for almost 12 years and now we have Megan no more and I don't have that added stress I find myself off work, typical eh! Walked through the park today as a quick detour to get home and broke down as not been there since Megan died, it's still very raw and hard to control the emotions , I can stare and talk to her casket as now used to being in the house and accepting that she is not here, but she had been everywhere in a ten mile radius of our home so I cannot go anywhere without a memory, even Tesco, I took her once in car, I ran in for something, I opened car on return , put keys in ignition to put aircon on, went to the boot to put in bags, slammed the boot, she jumped on door and somehow the central locking and locked herself in, I had to run home and back with spare set of keys. I cancelled my hospital radio on Saturday as feeling so unwell, this flu coupled with uncontrollable diabetes and stress is making me so ill. I hope February is a good month, stressless and a peaceful nights sleep would be good.

What's gping on?

Lying in bed all day not wanting to move, is it because there is nothing to get up for ? Nothing except a larger tv in the lounge and a dishwasher to empty . I am not saying it's daily, sometimes I get up but stay in pyjamas and dressing gown all day without getting dressed. There has to be more to life than this, I suppose "normal" people go out with their friends, don't have any !, others may get invited to parties, weddings, stag do's, social events, I don't ! I was working out the other day when someone who I work with visited my home, it was 8 years ago, it's clean, tidy and tastefully done. I have a neighbour who pops in on occasions but that's dropped off now we don't have our dog anymore so I am wondering who they were actually visiting. I am currently on bed feeling very ill with flu, sneezing, coughing, aches, pains and a horrible headache verging on a migraine. At least I have an excuse to stay in bed now, plenty fluids I would be told if at my parents house, jugs of water full of honey and lemons , it worked for mum! Today is another boring, lonely day, dancing on ice is on , part two, come on Denzy Squelch I am rooting for you, not because you're the best skater but you make me laugh with your sense of humour! What I don't agree with are personal Statements re- written by a third party, very illegal!!!!

Ongoing memories

Losing Megan over 5 weeks ago is still so raw in our minds and memories. The paw prints in the garden may have now been washed away by rain but her hairs remain in the Hoover, the odd one on car seats, photos of her will be treasured and her ashes do take pride of place on the fireplace. Yesterday we saw a woman walking a boxer dog as we drove to Kingston upon Thames and we both just looked at each other and said nothing. My sister on laws father is currently in recovery from yesterdays operation to remove cancer from his stomach, it just seems 2010's bad luck is spilling into 2011. I just hope things look up soon, I have a very important day on 19th January and although currently off sick I have another important day coming up. Today was a cry most of the day "day", never dressed, stayed in robe, not shaved or showered and feel sad and miserable. There are many demons out there, they persecute you daily, they harass you, bully you, intimidate you and I will beat them, the bastards will not win!! I only wish I could name names so keep reading as one day I will with photos!!! Daily Mail, get ready!!

Oz prime minister comment

Prime Minister Julia Gillard - Australia Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia , as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.. Separately, Gillard angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying she supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques. Quote: 'IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT.. Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali , we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians. ' 'This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom' 'We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society . Learn the language!' 'Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.' 'We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.' 'This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'.' 'If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted

Shopping

Newcastle people have a weird usage of the word "there", currently sitting in Starbucks listening to the lady behind the counter:- " are you alright there" " put your 4 digit pin in "there". " "Can i get you something there" "is that everything there" "can you sign on the line there" And the only one that made grammatical sense was " the toilets ate over there" Don't get me wrong I'm not slagging off the geordies as im one myself, just interesting observations. I wish they catered for diabetics here as I would have loved a sugar free muffin but I guess it's off to Boots the chemist to browse their diabetic range which should really be on the laxative counter. I also notice mother and daughter combos on shopping trips and obviously had telephone conversations the night before on " what you wearing" it seems up here everything had a dress code, when a daughter says she is just wearing jeans the mothers, or the ones who can dress identical but I can never call jeans on a 60's + woman jeans as they have the added elastic and weird fit. Well, after three coffee stops and numerous shopping bags I'm home, I wish my size was small or extra small as that seems to be the trend on the sake racks! Long drive south tomorrow, very sad as I live it up here!

Happy New Year 2011

Will it be a good one? Well all I can say to that is that it had to be pretty damn bad to be worse than 2010. I am unable to move on until I get 12th January out of the way, D day in my eyes, but I am happy to move on, pastures new, fresh start, lots in the pipeline. Mum is home and improving, I love my brother and his family, we have all made a great effort and I think progress was made. Ged has been so understanding and calm even though he has been mourning Megan a lot and missing her just like I do. We do have to move on and celebrate the good times and think positive, I do try, but for gods sake do not give me any more hurdles to get over until this race is over!