Tuesday 18 January 2011
Bored
Hate not working, get so bored, miss the camaraderie, miss the gossip and funny enough miss the customers. Been juggling rosters around dog walker/ sitter for almost 12 years and now we have Megan no more and I don't have that added stress I find myself off work, typical eh!
Walked through the park today as a quick detour to get home and broke down as not been there since Megan died, it's still very raw and hard to control the emotions , I can stare and talk to her casket as now used to being in the house and accepting that she is not here, but she had been everywhere in a ten mile radius of our home so I cannot go anywhere without a memory, even Tesco, I took her once in car, I ran in for something, I opened car on return , put keys in ignition to put aircon on, went to the boot to put in bags, slammed the boot, she jumped on door and somehow the central locking and locked herself in, I had to run home and back with spare set of keys.
I cancelled my hospital radio on Saturday as feeling so unwell, this flu coupled with uncontrollable diabetes and stress is making me so ill. I hope February is a good month, stressless and a peaceful nights sleep would be good.
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1 comment:
Hello sweetie, you and I have never met but after reading you blog tonight I would like to give you some encouragement. First of all I came across you because I was looking for information of Blackpool Pontins 1985 (I was a bluecoat and worked there in that year) and I came across the blog you had done on your time working for the company. You made a wonderful job of it, thank you for taking the time to record it.
Back to you now. You have just lost you beloved fur child Megan, you are grieving and are feeling very low and quite poorly at the moment aren't you? It's very difficult to lift yourself when you've been and are going through such difficult times but I promise you, your life will get better. Everything you are feeling about Megan is perfectly normal, I have 3 dogs, 2 springers and a lab. I can imagine how difficult it is for you right now. Take each day at a time. Stop watching the news, it's full of crap and is winding you up. This is a time to spend of you, not on other peoples problems and fears, so everyday, do something, no matter how small, that will comfort and lift you.
I know how you feel about your job, my God we've all been there but you've forgotten how special you are and you have let the company take over how you see yourself.
Please don't think I'm smug or lecturing you, I am certainly not perfect and struggle myself at times, but I can tell you're very tired and low at the moment and need someone to remind you that this isn't the end. You will come back up, you will fight your way back to health and eventually you may feel the time is right to give another dog a home. Take Care
Tracy
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