Self-Esteem

Having no self esteem is such a bad thing, i look at my teenage years and think of all the things i could have achieved but i was always thought " i was not good enough" or " i will never get that" or " they will never pick me". I now say to everyone "go for your dreams" as if you don't succeed you will be no worse off than you are now and it is all in lifes building blocks. Over the last few weeks with all the upset at work and bad feeling a job that i was once proud of seems to be tearing me apart, half of me wants to look for another job, the rest is torn and dedicated to a job i have done for twenty two years, i still work hard, as my performance on board the aircraft is a personal thing, i do a "good job" for me and the people who have paid to receive good service, i do not do it for any other reason. I am hoping someone reading this will offer me job, a new adventure, a new journey, it is not something i would accept without great thought and probably lack of sleep but i would consider anything right 
now. How sad is that, we chose our destinies and now others quite happily add fuel to the fire and spoil things for everyone.
Blogs, Facebook and other social networking sites are becoming employers excuse for dismissing staff, some companies are hiring teams of people to browse these sites for any derogatory comments about their employers, photographs in uniform or conversations about unrest in the workplace, the only way to survive without being dismissed in some companies seems to be to speak to no one, say nothing and wear duck tape over your mouth when on company premises as others can easily coerse you into a conversation you do not want to get into, or a customer could ask questions and actually could be the press.
When i look at friends and others i see them happy and content in their work, however maybe they think the same about me as it is always more glamourous from the outside, as if i say i have a three day Miami, that sounds like three days in Miami, when in fact, i take off and work for 10 hours, arrive at midnight uk time and want to sleep but it is only 7pm in Miami, so i stay up starting the jet lag process, i wake up the next day with a headache from the aircon and drag myself out to find food, i have to be back to iron the shirt, shower, get ready and leave for the airport to look after people who have just spent 7-14 days on luxury cruise ships with a 4/1 or ever 2/1 ratio of passengers to crew, and expect the same sort of service on a 747 with 350 passengers and 14 of us to do all the work, used to be 16!!! I then work through the night of day two into the morning of day three and get home shattered, disillusioned, upset, jetlagged, stressed, and the only positive thing is if i made it his far i live to 
survive another day in the big bad world of my employer without being met at the aircraft doors and suspended.
I know somewhere down the line the internet will be my downfall, it connects me to the outside world without having to actually go there and communicate face to face, this blog is my personal diary, it allows me to offload stuff that is bugging me and helps me feel better, surely that is not a bad thing, better than making myself ill with it. As i have said before many people have friends who they can offload on, i have no one, this is how i do it and i would never stop as it really does help.
Today has been a day of drowsiness, i am either enjoying the relaxation of the cottage or it is my Diabetes and cholesterol medication, can you believe i am on the same pills, Simvistatin, as mum and dad.
They went to see my nephew today who is walking from John o groats to Lands End to raise money for the injured troops from Afghanistan, he has blisters, and suffering with his hernia but has completed 400 miles already and everyone is very proud of him, mum and dad drove to Penrith today to take him supplies, dad boiled 24 hard boiled eggs and they took them along with bananas, pies and chocolate.
The sponsorship link is:-

http://www.justgiving.com/christopher-kidd


 They were really proud of him and i am too, he is an inspiration and i really want to give him a hug right now, he is one of our family members that thinks of others and not of himself, the unselfishness of this is an attractive quality, money is evil and others seem to think it makes the world go around, it does not buy friends, only false ones, flash cars and houses are immaterial and mean absolutely nothing except the person behind the wheel is a selfish arsehole!!
My last rant is back to mobile phones, what part of "they are illegal to use when driving" do people not understand, all phones come with handsfree kits, USE THEM!!! I know someone who lost their son when a driver was on the phone and caused an accident so i get very annoyed when i see people breaking the law...i think i will carry a static camera in my car and take photographs of these selfish people, once again, their phone call is far more important than someones life...i could spit feathers!!!